I hate today

Today I won't try to talk to anyone. I will just sit here in my bed. Listening to music, I don't want to hear. Twice. At least. This time, I do not want to take the step. The god damned first step. Today I feel like crying. But I won't. Because I cried yesterday. Isn't that enough? What is left to do or say? Still alone, not alive. This is shit. Error. The connection has broken. Fuck. Not again. Not even a joke.. I wish it was. But it's not. Every word has a meaning. Every word is a note in this new song, that I wrote. This is the picture, that I painted myself. I want to burn it. Watch the coulers fade. And me along with it. Suicidal today? Something changed my life forever. I miss nothing. Not today. I am the invisible girl. Today and everyday. It has already been my turn. Now you go and roll the dice. Twice. The third time will breake me, untill the pieces are too many to be recollected. And so it will end. Consider this as a goodbye? If you will... Forgive me. Go cry emo kid. The music makes no sense. Not to me. Not any longer. Deaf and blind. Might as well die. Go to sleep. Wake up tired. Not again. Not ever again. Please. Didn't think you'd let me get this far. And without caring too. Why does nobody believe my words, when I talk of this lonelyness? Why has the fucking music changed?! Everything has changed. Appearantly I am the only one, who cares to notice. I hate this remix. The new tunes. I hate today. Going in a circle. That black, evil, endless circle. And who cares to help me out. No one. Not anymore. My own fault, I know. My hands are cold.- For the first time in about a year. You don't know why. And now I don't think you ever will. I'm sorry. Gotta go. Bye Bye Beautiful.